The Return of the Laptop IV

There was, I am reliably informed, jubilation in the ‘evidence room’ at Girne nick yesterday afternoon. The news of the acquittal of their Dad, Geoff, at Girne District Court had filtered through to all of his belongings held in custody there and they are so excited at the prospect of being reunited with their Mum and Dad. All, I have to say, with the exception of Malcolm the Mastic Gun, his joy being marred by the fact that he will be parted from his beloved Laura, the laptop, Norman the Nail and Sidney the Screw having been trying to console their brother, but they know of his feelings for Laura, so what can they say.The minute Malcolm saw Laura when she was brought into the evidence room, it was ‘love at first sight’. Laura felt the same way, and although even the planks warned against a ‘mixed’ relationship they were ignored (everyone knows how thick they are). It seems that since the 14th of October, the two unlikely lovers have been ‘stuck on each other’. Norman put it down to the residue of the silicone in Malcolm’s mastic gun but they wouldn’t listen. He even threatened them with a bucket of water, but nothing could tear them apart.

If the unlikely pair are parted Laura says she will sell her story to the tabloids. Malcolm insists she will not do that because she is not a ‘kiss and tell’ sort of laptop. I wouldn’t be so sure Malcolm, I have known Laura a little longer than you and I have to say she has been known to write a few ‘expose’ type stories in her time. She really is no better than she ought to be and she is a lot younger than Malcolm. The age difference and the crossing of the ‘species’ would have caused problems, I think of the children!

They are now planning to elope but really it is futile. Where will they find a ‘minister’ prepared to marry them. Even in a ‘virtual ceremony.’ Where will they find a ladder? It seems that Laura is destined to finish the rest of her sentence (pun intended) alone, although, it is rumoured, she has seen an interesting plant in the evidence room who assures her that if she smokes his leaves, she will soon forget all her troubles ‘man’. Let us hope that she will be released before she becomes ‘hooked’ on this plant, he says his name is Canna Bis. I am so worried about her but am pleased that Malcolm could soon be home in the bosom of his family.

Free Laura Laptop, she is innocent, or she used to be, Malcolm could have much to answer for.

“Miltiades I’m surprised that a person of your obvious intelligence doesn’t understand that it was because of  people like you that the Turkish troops are still in Cyprus.Perhaps you believe
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