Notes from Lapta, Cyprus – “WHY?” by Ken Dunn

Philosophers, theologians, sages, poets, artists and highly qualified academics have agonised about the nature of Humanity, the Universe and Everything for eons. Questions upon questions by the million have still remained unanswered. Here are a few more to be pondered over….if they and you can be bothered.

Why, if you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why doesn’t ‘expecting the unexpected’ make the unexpected expected?

Why is it if all the nations in the world are in debt we still don’t know where all the money has gone?

Why, if fire-fighters fight fire, is it a problem what freedom fighters fight?

Why are some people IN a movie but at the same time ON TV?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time but don’t point somewhere else when they need the loo?

Why are sandwiches called ‘rounds’ when a slice of bread is square?

Why do we call ham ‘cured’? What disease did it have?

Why is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why do some countries kill people who kill people to show that killing is wrong?

Why if one synchronized swimmer drowns don’t the rest drown too?

Why is it, if people on Poland are called ‘Poles’, people on Holland aren’t called ‘Holes’?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why do people say, ‘The alarm just went off’, when it actually came on?

Why are haemorrhoids called ‘haemorrhoids’ instead of ‘as(s)teroids’?

Why are a ‘wise man’ and a ‘wise guy’ opposites?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?

Why, if quizzes are quizzical aren’t tests called testicals?

Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?

Why are they called stairs on the inside and steps on the outside?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing to do is to give your name and say ‘I’m an alcoholic’?

Why, when it’s the tourist season, we can’t shoot them?

Why do Lipton employees have coffee breaks?

Why is a square meal delivered on round plates?

Why is it that if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea doesn’t the fifth one enjoy it?

Why, if love is blind, is lingerie so popular?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up all through the night?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why isn’t there a speed of darkness?

Why do banks charge a fee for ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there isn’t enough?

Why is there an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

Why were we able to put a man on the moon before we had the idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why, if electricity comes from electrons, doesn’t morality come from morons?

Why, when you blow in a dog’s face, it growls and might bite, but when you take it on a car ride it sticks its head out of the window?

Why do toasters always have a setting so high than can burn bread to an uneatable, black charcoal?

Why do people push a lift button more than once to make it arrive faster?

Why isn’t Chocolate considered a vegetable when it comes from cocoa beans?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

Why do prison buses have emergency exits?

Why do hotcakes sell fast?

Why do cat’s bottoms go up when you stroke them?

Why do we press the ‘Start’ button to turn off the computer?

Why do they call it a pair of pants but only one bra?

Why do Brits never sound British when they sing?

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

Why doesn’t a lighting rod on top of a church show a lack of faith?

Why do they call it ‘after dark’ when it’s really ‘after light’?

Why are women and men’s shoe sizes different?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one

Why is it called a’funny bone’ when, if you hit it, it’s not funny at all?

Why is it that when we ‘skate on thin ice’ we can ‘get into hot water’?

Why is there never a day when D.F.S. do not have a sale?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why do people believe you when you say there are billions of stars but always check when you say paint is wet?

Why is it that your ‘karma’ can run over your ‘dogma’?

Why do supermarkets make ill folk walk to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do banks leave vault doors open and chain their pens to the counters?

Why does the sun lighten our hair but darkens our skin?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke?

Why do we leave cars, worth thousands of pounds, in our driveways and fill our garages with useless junk?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouths closed?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why don’t we ever see, ‘Psychic wins Lottery!’?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring and dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why don’t they make aeroplanes out of the same indestructible stuff as black boxes?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilise the needle for lethal injections?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called ‘apartments’ when they’re all stuck together?

Why, if flying is so safe, they call the airport the terminal?

Why are Greeks so….. Greek?

Why worry about any of this? There’s much more to be concerned about!

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