How to Use a Kettle | Lost in Translation

How to Use a Kettle | Lost in TranslationTHE KETTLE IS DEAD. LONG LIVE THE KETTLE!
I have just bought a new kettle. Not exactly ground breaking news but please read on. Now, plugging in an electric kettle, switching it on and then, when it boils, anyone can make a cup of coffee/tea. Simple. NO!!!
I have now the definitive instructions for how to use a kettle – compliments of the makers of the new one. I’ve edited the instructions down – there are two pages of the stuff – but the following are the ‘highlights’. I have not changed a single word. I recommend you all to read this, comments in brackets and italics are mine, as your life will not be complete without knowing how to use an electric kettle correctly!!!!!

Using the electric kettle. anyone start before. please read the instructions for use. Wireless fast, adopts advanced electric kettle. anyone craft careful manufacturing. appearance beautiful generous, automatic control mode is unique. high thermal efficiency, safety, saving time quick, burning electricity water no pollution, accord with water hygiene standards.

1. Electric kettle. anyone demolition package. (explosives?)
2. Please use a protection to ensure that the power supply. the grounding of personal safety. (does that mean use a condom?)
3. Pitcher body mold must cooperate to use with the base. (negotiations? baseball?)
4. First before use without using or long-term before use, should put again, add water to maximum water pot and bring to a boil, then pour out the water, not for drinking water. For the second, with clean, protect healthy pitcher body mold.(baseball again?)
5. Water added by the cap. (soggy headgear?) please don’t below the water line, (have a pxxs?) and maintain a horizontal position, (lie down?) if water pot than water, boil water cap line may overflow; if low water in lower water line, the kettle didn’t work properly. (really!) Add good water back cover good lid.
6. Please will move further away from the base kettle water operation. kettle placed exactly block front must dry the kettle bottom (wipe its axxe?) or no one can use electric kettle. anyone presence. (who?)

There’s a hell of a lot more than this but I think this is enough! So, now you all know exactly how to use an electric kettle. Please tell all your friends. They really, really need to know. And the makers of this complicated device? Well, Chinese of course. Don’t they make everything these days?

Ken Dunn

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1 comment to How to Use a Kettle | Lost in Translation

  • Charlie

    Just done the same Ken and the instructions are a tad more sensible (mine is a very potent red though made in Turkey) However, can someone explain why when in the past year I have bought, toaster, kettle, hair dryer, dish washer, fridge freezer. hair straightener, fire and other stuff, as they are all imported and have two pin, properties were and still are I think, supplied with 3 pin sockets. My wonderful electrical suppliers Blomberg automatically change the plugs for me. Not tatty cheap 3 pin either, but well insulated quite expensive ones, at no extra cost. Maybe some developers are beginning to install 2 pin sockets, but I haven’t seen any.