It is the time of dastardly deeds and foul tricks

I’ve got it! I bet you have too. You know, “World Cup Fever”. Never a fan of football I find myself sitting night after night in front of the box watching seemingly never ending games of football. My wife on the other hand seems immune from this “fever” and retreats to the spare room to watch the alternative offers.

So what do we have? On the one hand the majority of the male population stuck in front of a telly watching football, the female side of the popula-tion sat in front of other televisions watching syrupy Rosemunde Pilcher films or The Next Top Model or romantic love stories of some sort or even worse, yet another documentary about Africa. Have you noticed how long this has been going on for?

The resulting scenario is bizarre. The streets are empty, the shops are empty, only the bars seem to be full of people celebrating the progress of a football team from some unheard of country playing in a game against some other unheard of country with commentaries relating to the Federation Cup (what’s that?) the qualifying rounds (did I miss something?) and blarneying about experts and prognoses until the whole thing drifts into a trancelike state with football wallpaper.

Have you ever wondered why we have these things? Like the Summer Olympics and the World Cup football? Not to mention the alternative viewing? Do you really think this is just about entertaining the public?

I don’t. There is a far deeper conspiracy at work here. Things happen while our minds are occupied with the major decisions brought about by Football fever. Can you think politics watching North Korea play Brazil? Can you make plans about what needs to be done tomorrow? All I seem to be able to think about is, “Is there enough beer in the fridge?” “Where’s the crisps” “Hope the bloody ba*rds get pasted.” Whoever the bloody ba*rds happen to be on that evening. That too becomes more and more subjective as the competition goes on. I digress, what’s it all for?

It’s a global plan bought about by G20 or was it G8, (see, the fever has reduced me to being quite unsure of my facts). It’s all designed to let dastardly things be done behind our backs. When I think about the last world cup 2006, what happened? I can’t remember any of the games, If they hadn’t told me Italy was the defending champion, I wouldn’t have remem-bered. I don’t remember who they beat or how, but I must have watched it. When did England get kicked out? I don’t remember who stuffed them. Was it Beckham who failed or Owen? Bobby Moore? The hell of it is I don’t care. When I got over the 2006 attack of the fever I found the world had changed, not for the better I might add. The strange thing was nobody seemed to care. In Germany they raised the VAT by 3% in the UK Tesco Kitchen rolls shrunk from 72 towels to 48 same price though. Confectionary and food pack-ages “Shrunk” a chocolate bar was on 60g instead of 75g. In some countries the tax thresholds were changed. For the benefit of the fever patient? You bet. The BP oil spill in the run up to the world cup? Coincidence? Couldn’t pick a better time eh? Who listens to Barack Obama’s “state of the nation” speech when Brazil are playing North Korea? Shady elections take place while the voters and observers are distracted. Little countries get invaded or sort out internal differences whilst the world “Fevers”. (Kirgizstan comes to mind). There are probably many more devious and unpleasant things being foisted upon us, but my fevered mind cannot register them. Is there a cure?

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